Spring Break
Moviegoers, terrorists get faces rocked by war ad
Ryan Nowell
Issue date: 3/11/09 Section: Opinion
So I went to see a movie this weekend for the first time in a while, and like everyone who has shown up early to the theater in the last couple months, I got to watch Kid Rock scream for two minutes about how effin' sweet war is.
For those late-comers who always miss the coming attractions, I'm talking about the new National Guard recruitment video featuring Mr. Rock and racer Dale Earnhardt, Jr. that's been playing in theaters across the country, wherein they belt out to the cheap seats how pants-crappingly American it is to join the National Guard.
Of course, neither Rock nor Earnhardt, Jr. have ever actually been in the armed services, but that doesn't keep them from educating the rest of us on how it's done.
You see, being paid absurd amounts of money to drive around in circles and beat your chest over rhyming jingoisms ("Cause freedom ain't [sic] so free when you breathe red, white and blue!" "… ready to deploy, engage and destroy …," "I'm an American Warrior!") is, by implication, equivocal to an overseas deployment.
I mean, really, some of those video shoots can be just exhausting. Posing in front of a high-powered fan for six hours, why that's some hardcore stuff right there.
You better be horking amber waves of grain and shooting bald eagle yolks intravenously if you want the spiritual resilience to get through that.
And racing? Don't even get me started. Only a real patriot could have the mental fortitude it takes to decal his car with advertisements and pee in a flame-retardant onesie. Yeah! "I'm an American Warrior!"
At least, I'd assume making this commercial was equivalent to a National Guard deployment, otherwise having two wealthy celebrities commanding their demographics to go risk life and limb doing things they would never consider doing themselves might be interpreted as a tad hypocritical.
But I'm pretty sure it's comparable. According to the commercial, being deployed in Iraq is a pretty sweet gig, nothing but kicking in wooden doors, looking cool and returning errant soccer balls to young street urchins. The only roadside bomb you'll be encountering will be an explosion of multicultural understanding! Sweet! "Citizen Soldier!"
For those late-comers who always miss the coming attractions, I'm talking about the new National Guard recruitment video featuring Mr. Rock and racer Dale Earnhardt, Jr. that's been playing in theaters across the country, wherein they belt out to the cheap seats how pants-crappingly American it is to join the National Guard.
Of course, neither Rock nor Earnhardt, Jr. have ever actually been in the armed services, but that doesn't keep them from educating the rest of us on how it's done.
You see, being paid absurd amounts of money to drive around in circles and beat your chest over rhyming jingoisms ("Cause freedom ain't [sic] so free when you breathe red, white and blue!" "… ready to deploy, engage and destroy …," "I'm an American Warrior!") is, by implication, equivocal to an overseas deployment.
I mean, really, some of those video shoots can be just exhausting. Posing in front of a high-powered fan for six hours, why that's some hardcore stuff right there.
You better be horking amber waves of grain and shooting bald eagle yolks intravenously if you want the spiritual resilience to get through that.
And racing? Don't even get me started. Only a real patriot could have the mental fortitude it takes to decal his car with advertisements and pee in a flame-retardant onesie. Yeah! "I'm an American Warrior!"
At least, I'd assume making this commercial was equivalent to a National Guard deployment, otherwise having two wealthy celebrities commanding their demographics to go risk life and limb doing things they would never consider doing themselves might be interpreted as a tad hypocritical.
But I'm pretty sure it's comparable. According to the commercial, being deployed in Iraq is a pretty sweet gig, nothing but kicking in wooden doors, looking cool and returning errant soccer balls to young street urchins. The only roadside bomb you'll be encountering will be an explosion of multicultural understanding! Sweet! "Citizen Soldier!"
Viewing Comments 1 - 6 of 10
Craig Hawley
posted 3/11/09 @ 1:21 AM MST
Oh Boo Hoo. The National Guard decided to do what actually works and make a Hollywood style recruiting ad.
You go on and on about how the stars of the ad were not real soldiers and had never been. (Continued…)
Geodude
posted 3/11/09 @ 11:49 AM MST
Great article Ryan, I really enjoyed reading it.
The movie ad is truly a slap in the face to the logical benefits of joining the military (service to your nation, college tuition, etc- all the stuff you listed). (Continued…)
Craig Hawley
posted 3/12/09 @ 2:08 AM MST
Gotta love Geodude and his assumption that the military is stupid. That is what he said with regards to the ad.
The rich man can get uneducated youth to fight his wars. (Continued…)
Geodude
posted 3/12/09 @ 10:13 AM MST
Do not put me into the same group has the "tasering" dumb@ss frat boys, please, - "The target group is a bunch of testosterone filled college kids like you. (Continued…)
Chunk
posted 3/12/09 @ 8:43 PM MST
When I was a little kid I wanted to be a Marine because the commercials showed knights swordfighting with centaurs in a labyrinth on a crumbling volcano. (Continued…)
Katie
posted 3/12/09 @ 9:17 PM MST
I haven't laughed so hard in a while. This ad is textbook propaganda. It includes elements of ethos, pathos, and logos and smacks of the W tactics. I'm sure it attracted quite a few silly kids, because--let's face it--we're educating test-takers, not critical thinkers. (Continued…)
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