Spring Break
Mandom in the grips of the oppressor
J. David McSwane
Issue date: 2/9/09 Section: Special Sections
Valentine's Day is for sucks.
If there's any indication of the inevitable plight of men who are ignorant of the virtues of man freedom -- "mandom" for short -- it's Valentine's Day.
Contrary to the belief of a few angry crazies who have labeled my quest for the intellectual and culinary liberation of men as misogynistic, mandom isn't about taking away the rights of women (or a gay partner, I suppose).
I mean, if there's one group on campus -- only one -- I wouldn't cross, it's the campus feminists. They're righteously angry, articulate, often attractive and still possess that power that has eluded men for thousands of years -- mind daggers.
Well, I probably wouldn't cross the militant gays, either. But I think they've been away hunting down former Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (Satan's colon cancer) with Skittle bombs, so let's stay on point.
Mandom is about men spreading awareness of what makes men so whimsically different, less important than women, thus way cooler, yet completely susceptible to becoming giant consumerist tools.
Don't become giant consumerist tools, men, especially in this economy.
The Collegian "fat cats" don't want you to know this, but this very "special" section you're reading, it's evidence of the exploitation of human kind's most persuasive, and pervasive, instinct -- love of another.
Oh, and let's not forget sex. Yay! Yippee! Legendary! It's OK, men. Mandom allows us to ceremoniously cheer for carnal copulation ... and awesome alliteration. Except for students in the University Honors Program -- no cheer for you, you nerdy virgins!
Anyway, for those of you familiar with romantic intimacy, contemporary society will inevitably weigh upon you as this mysteriously rooted holiday approaches. But I implore you, dear readers, don't buy that $30 chocolate heart, those fake rose pedals (you'll be finding them in the sheets for months) and that sensuous lubrication.
Well, I take back the lube part because exploiting consensual sex is just darn good fun.
If there's any indication of the inevitable plight of men who are ignorant of the virtues of man freedom -- "mandom" for short -- it's Valentine's Day.
Contrary to the belief of a few angry crazies who have labeled my quest for the intellectual and culinary liberation of men as misogynistic, mandom isn't about taking away the rights of women (or a gay partner, I suppose).
I mean, if there's one group on campus -- only one -- I wouldn't cross, it's the campus feminists. They're righteously angry, articulate, often attractive and still possess that power that has eluded men for thousands of years -- mind daggers.
Well, I probably wouldn't cross the militant gays, either. But I think they've been away hunting down former Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (Satan's colon cancer) with Skittle bombs, so let's stay on point.
Mandom is about men spreading awareness of what makes men so whimsically different, less important than women, thus way cooler, yet completely susceptible to becoming giant consumerist tools.
Don't become giant consumerist tools, men, especially in this economy.
The Collegian "fat cats" don't want you to know this, but this very "special" section you're reading, it's evidence of the exploitation of human kind's most persuasive, and pervasive, instinct -- love of another.
Oh, and let's not forget sex. Yay! Yippee! Legendary! It's OK, men. Mandom allows us to ceremoniously cheer for carnal copulation ... and awesome alliteration. Except for students in the University Honors Program -- no cheer for you, you nerdy virgins!
Anyway, for those of you familiar with romantic intimacy, contemporary society will inevitably weigh upon you as this mysteriously rooted holiday approaches. But I implore you, dear readers, don't buy that $30 chocolate heart, those fake rose pedals (you'll be finding them in the sheets for months) and that sensuous lubrication.
Well, I take back the lube part because exploiting consensual sex is just darn good fun.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Really?
posted 2/09/09 @ 6:14 PM MST
Really Dave? This is a new low for you, and with a record like yours that is hard achieve. Just remember, in order to prevent carpal tunnel you will need to switch hands as you celebrate your "love day" with your lube and your jumbo box of Kleenex tissues. (Continued…)
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