Spring Break
Take part in the real American tradition: Hypocrisy
Ryan Nowell
Issue date: 8/27/08 Section: Opinion
With the presidential election nearly upon us, and the Democratic convention just next door, politics are once again resurfacing in Joe Q. Mass-Consciousness' daily field of vision, beyond the hateful, pun-filled world of bumper stickers.
So I ask why, kind reader, should you get embroiled in the tired squabbles of a couple of fly-by-night, bumpkin parties like the Democrats and the Republicans, when you could be enjoying the perks of America's largest political party -- the Hypocrites.
As a member myself, I assure you it's by no means exclusive. Our society seeks to define us through division -- what party you belong to, what gender, what sexual preference, what income bracket, what religious affiliation. Wouldn't it be nice to have the sense of belonging such self-definitions provide, but avoid the burden of morals and obligations they entail?
Supporting the Hypocrite party is as easy as believing in the ideals and principles this country was founded on, then leading the average American life -- brimming with conveniences and behaviors antithetical to our supposed Bigger Picture, built on the sturdy backs of faraway peoples that you and I don't really care about.
I can tell you're all still skeptical, so to put you at ease, friends, I'll provide some examples from my life and if you recognize anything from yours, give a big ol' huzzah to our great party and its many unwitting members!
This country was birthed with a declaration of belief in certain self-evident truths, and I, like any red-blooded American, like to think "that all men are created equal" and are endowed and, you know, other stuff. But despite believing wholeheartedly in the unalienable rights of the rest of Club Human, I still can't seem to get enough of those sweatshop goods provided by the Third World's many generous manufac-juntas.
China is one of the worst human rights abusers in the world, and yet that doesn't stop me from buying all the crap I can find with their name on it (their evil is name brand!), which continues to help them pants our Olympic athletes and become the first global superpower to achieve military dominance by screwing the heads onto Dora the Explorer dolls.
So I ask why, kind reader, should you get embroiled in the tired squabbles of a couple of fly-by-night, bumpkin parties like the Democrats and the Republicans, when you could be enjoying the perks of America's largest political party -- the Hypocrites.
As a member myself, I assure you it's by no means exclusive. Our society seeks to define us through division -- what party you belong to, what gender, what sexual preference, what income bracket, what religious affiliation. Wouldn't it be nice to have the sense of belonging such self-definitions provide, but avoid the burden of morals and obligations they entail?
Supporting the Hypocrite party is as easy as believing in the ideals and principles this country was founded on, then leading the average American life -- brimming with conveniences and behaviors antithetical to our supposed Bigger Picture, built on the sturdy backs of faraway peoples that you and I don't really care about.
I can tell you're all still skeptical, so to put you at ease, friends, I'll provide some examples from my life and if you recognize anything from yours, give a big ol' huzzah to our great party and its many unwitting members!
This country was birthed with a declaration of belief in certain self-evident truths, and I, like any red-blooded American, like to think "that all men are created equal" and are endowed and, you know, other stuff. But despite believing wholeheartedly in the unalienable rights of the rest of Club Human, I still can't seem to get enough of those sweatshop goods provided by the Third World's many generous manufac-juntas.
China is one of the worst human rights abusers in the world, and yet that doesn't stop me from buying all the crap I can find with their name on it (their evil is name brand!), which continues to help them pants our Olympic athletes and become the first global superpower to achieve military dominance by screwing the heads onto Dora the Explorer dolls.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Vision of the Annointed: Self-Congratulations as a Basis of Social Policy
posted 8/27/08 @ 7:46 AM MST
Boring! When will these Leftists moralists learn to self-flagellate in private?
Guess what? Nobody's impressed by this self-congratulation, masquerading as angst-ridden guilt-mongering. (Continued…)
Dad Longworth
posted 8/27/08 @ 6:24 PM MST
Don't pay any attention to Craig, Ryan. He never grew up.
We are divided by this, that, and the other, but I've felt for decades that this was planned--Divide and Conquer. (Continued…)
Post a Comment