Spring Break
Preserve your summer mandom
J. David McSwane
Issue date: 7/2/08 Section: Opinion
Each summer, millions of men look deep within themselves for the courage to stand up and fight. This group, of which I consider myself a fervent member, fights for a just and worthy cause, a complex mission that can only be understood by men and men alone.
I call it "man freedom" or for short, "mandom."
Mandom is the ability to confidently sport a gaping crotch hole in your jean cut-off shorts, to experiment with that almost-full-beard, to eat nothing but steak and cheese for 10 days straight, to drink beer with your Fruity Pebbles, to grill with the guys, to construct an exclusive tree house with a wet bar on a whim … and the list is endless.
Now, I know it's summer and love is in the air. But all it takes is one pesky relationship to quash your mandom and disrupt your group's man-force (the delicate balance by which all men find harmony in the presence of their "crew," "posse" or "homeboys").
While it's a sentiment all men share, the allure of the opposite sex inevitably sucks up that once fiery expression of mandom that made you the reigning house beer bong champion.
It's true. Look to your left. Now, your right. Chances are one of you three is either in or will end up in some sort of oppressive relationship relatively soon (assuming, of course, you're not an engineering major).
It won't be easy, but it's time to smell the barbecue sauce and spend that quality time with those unruly roommates you've ignored all year. I know they don't have trendy hair cuts, those tacky large-framed sunglasses and three different flavors of lip gloss, but at least they laugh at your dick jokes and share your contempt for a 40-hour work week, right? Right.
Unfortunately, CSU offers no club or support group for men united against the oppressive forces of tact, taste and tolerance (the three Ts with which women hope to eradicate mandom and create entropy in the man-force). So I've devised a step-by-step guide effective enough to steer even the most cavalier of men back to the TV, just feet away from the fridge.
I call it "man freedom" or for short, "mandom."
Mandom is the ability to confidently sport a gaping crotch hole in your jean cut-off shorts, to experiment with that almost-full-beard, to eat nothing but steak and cheese for 10 days straight, to drink beer with your Fruity Pebbles, to grill with the guys, to construct an exclusive tree house with a wet bar on a whim … and the list is endless.
Now, I know it's summer and love is in the air. But all it takes is one pesky relationship to quash your mandom and disrupt your group's man-force (the delicate balance by which all men find harmony in the presence of their "crew," "posse" or "homeboys").
While it's a sentiment all men share, the allure of the opposite sex inevitably sucks up that once fiery expression of mandom that made you the reigning house beer bong champion.
It's true. Look to your left. Now, your right. Chances are one of you three is either in or will end up in some sort of oppressive relationship relatively soon (assuming, of course, you're not an engineering major).
It won't be easy, but it's time to smell the barbecue sauce and spend that quality time with those unruly roommates you've ignored all year. I know they don't have trendy hair cuts, those tacky large-framed sunglasses and three different flavors of lip gloss, but at least they laugh at your dick jokes and share your contempt for a 40-hour work week, right? Right.
Unfortunately, CSU offers no club or support group for men united against the oppressive forces of tact, taste and tolerance (the three Ts with which women hope to eradicate mandom and create entropy in the man-force). So I've devised a step-by-step guide effective enough to steer even the most cavalier of men back to the TV, just feet away from the fridge.
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Registered Independent
posted 7/02/08 @ 1:53 AM MST
That was really amusing, plus it had great visual imagery. Almost too great, like a very young Philip Seymour Hoffman with his shirt off.
It also had a good steady beat and you can dance to it, so I think I'd give it a "9". (Continued…)
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